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ok so one of my new mutuals has been haruhiposting a lot… and it's christmas…

i try to resist, but it is impossible. there is only one option.

i have to properly watch/rewatch haruhi for the first time in thirteen years. the whole thing, in s2 airing order

let's go

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i… i went into it knowing there was the possibility of this, i mean it's part of why i wanted to do it, but it's still so… idk. “me the first time i saw haruhi” is the oldest version of myself in my memories i can still meaningfully recognise. that's why it's such a big deal…

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this breaks the rule of “do not reveal your age on the internet” but the time i saw haruhi for the first time thirteen years ago is at roughly half-way through my life so far. it will not be very long before i have spent half my life as the version of me that has seen haruhi.

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when i say “oldest version of myself in my memories i can still meaningfully recognise”, i mean emotionally. i do have small memories, interests, childhood traumas persisting from then to now, but haruhi is the start of all the emotional threads that lead to my present self.

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my life and sense of self went through some drastic changes in my teenage years, and for a long time i was embarrassed by the contrast, not able to admit to myself how much the person on both sides of such changes was fundamentally similar. i knew i was in denial, but still

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by the time i reached maybe five years ago in my life, i was starting to be a bit more chill about it. by the time i reached this year or maybe last year, i think i was almost completely chill with it. i could see that, yes, i was still the same person in many ways.

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still, though, i did feel a bit distant from my past self in terms of taste in art. there are certainly some things from that time i can appreciate, but like… 2010 me seems a lot more boring in some ways.

but now, well, i've used my one-time opportunity to revisit my 2010 self.

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by rewatching haruhi, i think the distance in my mind between 2010 and 2023 me is healed. i can feel a strong connection to the me that watched this back in 2010. i don't know quite what that version of me thought and felt, i only remember small bits, but… they were right.

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they liked this series back then, and they were right to like it… and of course present me would think that, because that may as well have been the moment i started to exist. ahh. i don't need to be embarrassed.

i am very glad that suzumiya haruhi no yuuutsu was my first anime.

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for a while i've not been sure how to feel about the fact haruhi was my first anime… i didn't remember it well enough to know whether it was “good”, only that it was meaningful to me. the fact it's such a “meta” show also made me wonder if it was an appropriate first anime…

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but uh, nine episodes into my rewatch (which incidentally covers not just s1 but s2, which i didn't watch back in 2010 because it wasn't on dvd yet, and i'm not sure if i ever properly finished watching later…), i think i can safely say: no, it's an excellent first anime.

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its premise is playful but it plays it straight, so it's not going to confuse you if you've never seen anything it's referencing before. and its premise allows it to give you a flavour of… so much of what anime can do and can be. it's no wonder it inspired a lifelong love in me.

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also it's just technically excellent in many ways. it's just, actually good, in ways even someone who's never seen an anime before can appreciate. watching haruhi as my first anime didn't fuck me up; it prepared me, i guess. i'm glad that chance played out in this way for me.

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i don't know if i've ever outright said it, but a theme of the things i've celebrated in recent times is that “good art” is not a rare thing, in my opinion, and that popularity doesn't mean something is bad (it doesn't necessarily mean it's good, of course).

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i think i was afraid haruhi was not going to be that good, because… as you may know (younger folks might not), haruhi was absolutely fucking everywhere in anime circles circa 2010. it was an extremely big deal. it was impossible to ignore. it was mainstream within anime at least

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and there are quite a lot of popular things that i don't really care so much for! i'm not a snob about it, i don't have anything against a thing being popular in itself, but it's not uncommon for something to be very popular but kind of average at best so far as my tastes go?

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‪aha, it's funny that i start watching haruhi not long after switching away from my haruhi profile pic. i'm glad though, it means i don't feel like i'm betraying all those people who followed me thinking i'm a haruhi fan… because i am indeed one, i'm just not, haruhi,‬

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the sos brigade is always

haruhi: WE ARE GOING TO THE FUCKING MOON :D
kyon: she is insane. what does she think we are, astronauts? -_-;;
itsuki: Ah, isn't it wonderful that Suzumiya-san has picked a reasonable idea? I am fascinated to see what she plans to do on the moon. ^_^

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