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i… i went into it knowing there was the possibility of this, i mean it's part of why i wanted to do it, but it's still so… idk. “me the first time i saw haruhi” is the oldest version of myself in my memories i can still meaningfully recognise. that's why it's such a big deal…

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this breaks the rule of “do not reveal your age on the internet” but the time i saw haruhi for the first time thirteen years ago is at roughly half-way through my life so far. it will not be very long before i have spent half my life as the version of me that has seen haruhi.

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when i say “oldest version of myself in my memories i can still meaningfully recognise”, i mean emotionally. i do have small memories, interests, childhood traumas persisting from then to now, but haruhi is the start of all the emotional threads that lead to my present self.

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still, though, i did feel a bit distant from my past self in terms of taste in art. there are certainly some things from that time i can appreciate, but like… 2010 me seems a lot more boring in some ways.

but now, well, i've used my one-time opportunity to revisit my 2010 self.

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they liked this series back then, and they were right to like it… and of course present me would think that, because that may as well have been the moment i started to exist. ahh. i don't need to be embarrassed.

i am very glad that suzumiya haruhi no yuuutsu was my first anime.

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for a while i've not been sure how to feel about the fact haruhi was my first anime… i didn't remember it well enough to know whether it was “good”, only that it was meaningful to me. the fact it's such a “meta” show also made me wonder if it was an appropriate first anime…

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its premise is playful but it plays it straight, so it's not going to confuse you if you've never seen anything it's referencing before. and its premise allows it to give you a flavour of… so much of what anime can do and can be. it's no wonder it inspired a lifelong love in me.

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i think i was afraid haruhi was not going to be that good, because… as you may know (younger folks might not), haruhi was absolutely fucking everywhere in anime circles circa 2010. it was an extremely big deal. it was impossible to ignore. it was mainstream within anime at least

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