social.noyu.me

honestly at this point if numachi rouka popped up and tried to convince me i new her 15 years ago and had forgotten her i would just believe it

\‪*knew‬

‪beyond a certain point personal history is more of a mythology than it is some concrete and well-defined thing‬

i have the records of many things, but they are their own kind of myth, a simplification that can also lie

‪how do i know i was born on the XXth of YY, 19ZZ? i do not know that. i know that there is an immaculate paper trail which consistently repeats these numbers. i know that i have been hearing and repeating these over and over and over and over my entire life. but i don't know‬

and, really, was i born on that date? i do not have such a long continuity. i am not sure anyone does. all i know is that it is a social consensus that this body i inhabit was granted personhood on that date. and such facts can be retroactive…

how do i know that the oldest trauma i can remember went the way i remember it did? i simply don't. a predecessor of the me who writes this tweet may have changed the memory. in fact i know for sure that they did. i do not know how. but nothing remembered so many times is true

‪whenever i discover that some famous person has been slowly embellishing their life story, escalating it mildly with each retelling, i can't help but feel some kind of sympathy for them. it's very hard to avoid it. even the most honest person lies to themselves through time‬

there's this inescapable horror that my attempts to record events as they happen so the memories cannot be distorted have, of course, distorted those memories in the process. there is no escape

‪i won't tell you that there is no difference between reality and irreality, what i will tell you is that there is no bright line. there is no clean separation. we live in a chaotic world where fantasy is real and reality is not‬