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and that is how you bitterly realise that saving someone is not a thing you can always do, and is not a decision you should make reflexively, there must be a cold hard calculus in there, for your own self-preservation. even if, even if there is love, you can't sacrifice yourself

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‪in case it wasn't extremely obvious this is a thing that's literally happened to me multiple times, i just have the baseline stability and so on that it's never actually completely destroyed me, but i did make bad decisions, and i sure felt the pull, and others weren't so lucky‬

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