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i genuinely am a more fulfilled, more self-actualised, more interesting and, yes, surely more importantly also a more functional human being when (mildly?) hypomanic, entirely non-illusorily. it's really quite bizarre
rather than losing myself i if anything become maximally egosyntonic
but obviously this is somehow unsustainable and comes at some, presumably physical, cost to this body. i choose to think everything has some reason to exist. maybe it's this body's way of saving me from myself, to briefly show me what i could be so i do not forget it
i don't think it's an exaggeration to say that there is hikari_no_yume the concept and there is hikari_no_yume the actually existing entity and right now i am once again the former maybe