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instant gratification with sources of novelty i do not actively have to choose is the elephant in the room of my entire life
this is about the smartphone and social media but it is about a lot more than that. it is also about the computer and the internet and the goddamn news
it is occasionally algorithmic timelines but it is also the following timeline
it is twitter but it is also youtube and hacker news and once upon a time it was reddit
it is, from time to time, discord servers
it is various news outlets
it is my email inbox
it is more also
i am blessed that i never got hooked on tiktok but i am still spending the better part of my life with one foot on this planet and one foot in hell
or worse part, clearly
what is the worst part of it
is it the hours, days, weeks, months that disappear from my memory and my accounting with nothing to show for it
is it the thirst that sometimes can't be quenched
is it the impulse that takes me away from whatever it is i actually need to do
and despite all this i know i have it a lot less bad than so many others.
i used to think banning mobile phones in schools would be too much, but at this point i think it's not enough, because everyone in the next generation has it an order of magnitude worse than me
i've made a bargain with myself: i will finally get out of this pit, but i will do it while living only for me