social.noyu.me

so here's an interesting realisation: you'd think that caring about spending your time in high-quality ways, not being wasteful about it, might be symptomatic specifically of adulthood and having very little free time. but it applies even when i have all the time in the world

granted i am currently in a period of my life where i do feel some kind of internal pressure to perform, and the ever-ticking clock towards my eventual demise is something that never fully fades from the mind, but like

despite having time to watch streamers, i don't wanna, nope

speedrunning for example is an interesting discipline because there is a big asymmetry between performer and audience member. i could be — in fact, have, on rare occasions been — a speedrunner, it's an interesting use of time, but as a live spectator it's usually mind-numbing

FOMO is a weird thing, i may be using the term slightly wrong but i think i used to tune into streams a little because FOMO told me this was supposed to be some kind of important thing, that there was some important social meaning i was losing by not participating. but not really