social.noyu.me

i just had a sobering cold shower, incredibly brief, the first i've ever had, wonderful feeling, but it's a good moment to say this:

hikari_no_yume has had a terrible habit of manicposting and is making her way through a 2.5 day psychotic break

every time hikari_no_yume has made the mistake of posting while manic, something terrifying happens

a bunch of people act like a third eye opened

and flock towards this user

wishing they could be like hikari_no_yume

if this is you:

do not, under any circumstances. No

29-year-old hikari_no_yume has by some miracle accidentally ended up in the kind of state that enabled finally beginning to clean up the mess 20-year-old hikari_no_yume started by being reckless

you do not, quite frankly, want to be me

i am bizarrely the adult in the room

if you feel a yearning so strong you want to do something tantamount to suicide, this is a very bad sign

you need to spend a decade studying buddhism or somehow becoming wise enough you may as well be buddhist. "master, how do i know i'm wise?" if you have to ask, you are not

hikari_no_yume somehow has survived what is nothing short of 64-hour waking nightmare

hikari_no_yume did not do this intentionally

hikari_no_yume is incredibly fucking lucky to be zen enough to survive hikari_no_yume's own utterly incomprehensible internal bullshit

because the cliff is in fact steep and tall and the sides frequently give way unexpectedly if you are not unimaginably calm and careful, and even then you are not safe

and even if you think you totally hate yourself, that you are irredeemable, believe me, this is not true, there will be something in you that you care about, you must fully understand yourself to be able to understand what you can discard

please walk the path of the buddha

that is the last that hikari_no_yume shall utter publicly on this topic for a long time, so help me gods

hello actually i'm going to post another thing publicly because sometimes i am too cocky for my own good

we finally realised that in a state of full awareness, it is impossible to survive the process of sleep without being zen, because hypnagogia is constant disorientation

what this means is

you can only survive becoming a god temporarily or otherwise, if you have the buddha nature

that is, if you don't, your brain will literally fry itself to death

i cannot possibly overstate how much i am not exaggerating this and how entirely literal i am

so, again, do not willingly fly into the sun, you have to have the universe brain to survive it and we still STRICTLY RECOMMEND AGAINST it as a course of action, we remind you again that it was an accident

if you understand what these words actually mean then you will probably also see that, hikari_no_yume is going to be fine, hikari_no_yume is going to be just fine, but nobody, not even hikari_no_yume could have believed this outcome, oh my god we were at death's door

so, i beg you, do not fly into the sun.

and by the way, “what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger” is in fact not true; we will still have taken at least a little bit of permanent brain damage from this and all the other manic episodes, because your brain needs sleep to repair itself, sleep deprivation kills

@hikari any permanent god with a Purpose is effectively a state machine.