social.noyu.me

i love not thinking

one of the most important things we were forced to learn during the psychosis experience was that, watching anime and similar things like that, deliberately losing yourself in it, is kind of like meditation, a way to feel and think things without getting lost in them

and it was already our favourite thing in the entire world, but now it will be even greater, because it brought us back from the edge both for that reason and the inherent antipsychotic makes-your-brain-function-more-normally effect too

and now we are, may as well be fully recovered, we've seen too much vivid proof of it to assume much else

but there are things about how we got out of the psychosis state, things we feared while in it, that we would like not to think about

and so we will return to the anime

and we know, yes, that this is not a fully self-aware and humble thing to tweet at some level, but it is also the most likely thing we would tweet with our particular... current problem, and that's why we return to "meditation" i suppose

if you ever step outside your own frame to get learnings about yourself, and then become so smug about this in the other frame it almost kills you, and then find yourself forced to integrate the two frames to survive, what comes out the other end is a harrowed individual

it feels like we're floating above the earth in some sense, and for as long as that illusion can last, it's maybe not a bad thing, you can only fully see what your impact on others is when you don't think it'll hurt you to see it

(we have no idea how to meditate period, it's just something we in a sense had to learn to do to not die, so we have found our own strange ways)