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have you ever stood on the sheltered part of a long balcony, if there is one, amidst a rainstorm? (in swedish those are called ”skyfall”, like the james bond movie but pronounced differently, which has always amused us)
we have, and did just now
it is so very wonderful
it has all the intensity, if not a lot more actually, than any rock concert, with none of the “meaning”. it's just pure, unbridled force of nature slamming down in front of you for however many minutes (if you're very lucky, maybe even hours) it lasts
you get to experience the visceral thrill of being like, sort of in the eye of a storm, but without even getting wet beyond the tiniest bit of humidity or something
but it overwhelms you with a reminder that there are realer things in life than just
all the cerebral stuff
you have to remember we are still deep in the thick of trying to climb out of psychosis, but we know somehow that 1) this is something we'd tweet, perhaps even word-for-word, if we weren't in this state, as we've done this many times before while healthy, 2) this is good for us
for a long time we were worried that our feeling that the sky is one of the most real things in the entire world might be bad for us, even as it seemed deeply important. now that we've gotten deep into the hell of being stuck in our own head, we see, no, it is good for us
so long as we don't start claiming the configuration of the sky actually means something, that it's more than something that just is, our sky fixation is, ironically, one of the most grounding things in the entire world
today has not been a great day for us, but we'll let us have this particular moment
so long as encountering the natural world makes us feel an indescribable joy about being able to be alive, we are never completely lost