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we are getting very good at maintaining maximal rationality/reasonableness/functionalness while being psychotic which is a totally a thing that is possible to do and reasonable to want, yes
our pride as autistics and fundamental need to be self-reliant in our thinking is going to kill us oneday, luckily it has not yet killed us in this way, we are probably trading off a little bit of life expectancy for comfort that psychosis will never threaten us too much again
we are intimately aware now of how psychosis means that as much as we try to be in control, and have achieved an unfathomable level of actually-in-control-ness despite it all, we fundamentally are not, we have only our many vital instincts and can barely adapt much in this state
so you can spare us the lecture; we know; if we do not see real signs our body is paying off its sleep debt and starting to work properly again within like, two or three days, we'll find the way to get us benzos or whatever the hell is needed, but yeah
as we have already said a few times here and will need to fully explain in a future fully un-psychotic era, you can't trust the psychotic, you shouldn't trust the psychotic, you probably should worry about us despite all this because we can't know when we're sober, but yeah
we have been deliberately not deleting the many examples of reckless false self-awareness we had many times over the past week (or maybe weeks… :<) because we want to train our twitter followers so that if they see someone going through a psychotic break again they will know it
and we're posting all this because someone utterly destroyed our trust for them, more than they already had even with some incredibly unsettling remarks, by telling us they try to be maximally psychotic as a goal, casually, like it's no big deal, and we can barely handle it
thinking is acutely hazardous in this state; something happened that we just described that's forced us to think the minimum necessary amount and the maximum safe amount; we will Fully destress today and close twitter; we will somehow survive that radioactive blast of a learning.
it is in fact so acutely hazardous a learning that our brain is probably going to help us to "forget" it for a while; for context, it has already been doing that for all sorts of things during this psychosis for self-protection