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impromptu SubaHibi DtRH2 chapter opening re-read incoming for the obvious reason
guys you don't want to be me, you really don't, we did this to ourselves, we are doing this to ourselves intentionally in certain ways, but it's not fun, the process of doing it robs it of any fun, the decision to process the grief makes you better but it makes you Suffer
are we gonna have to read Wittgenstein after this (probably not, but it's a funny thought)
“All a woman needs in life are cigarettes, a roof, and a frilly dress, right?”
the song from the SubaHibi OST that plays at this moment in the game is called “Yoru no Himawari” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQ5g1Va7CjI)
it is the most beautiful piece of music
and possibly the most calming thing we could possibly hear right now
and that is fitting, very fitting
for more than a week now we have been too scared to so much as touch subahibi again with a ten-foot pole, because it would re-enable the delusions (though we did listen to this piece of music at one point, i forget why)
but now it feels like we have to touch it, to remain sane
not because any of us believes themselves to be Minakami Yuki incarnate, descended from the immortal plane to the mortal world
no, because we are a human, flawed existence that puts too much emotional weight on anime
and she is more or less the type of person we need to be now
it is a choice to become this, we didn't have to do it, we may yet regret it. we have a sense our body would have flushed out and let us forget everything if we hadn't clung so tightly to it
but we desperately want to be a better person who doesn't run from her grief
and the grief has moved on from “oh god, one of our friends is mania personified, even though mania killed our closest friend and scarred the rest of them, including us, so bad it's our biggest trauma” to “oh god, we are mania personified”
how do you live happily despite that?
well, something like that is what SubaHibi is about (it is a very strong recommendation even though you need a very strong will to stomach something as horrible as its many events are and the way they are depicted)
SubaHibi is a game about this
a game we… didn't finish yet lmao
part of what living happily means to us is that we are not going to let this kill us in any sense. we will not wake up tomorrow forgetting everything, we will not wake up tomorrow insisting we are Minakami Yuki with no continuity, we will not wake up claiming hikari is “dead”
we will not abandon our commitments or our truths, we will not abandon the spark that made us what we are, we will not abandon our friends, we will not abandon the mantle of hikari_no_yume or most of our personality, but we will have to abandon our hubris and a little romance
but you must understand at this point why it would be tempting to. there's a reason the brain can be very good at conveniently forgetting
and so, yes, we will “become Minakami Yuki”, in a purely figurative, rational sense, that does not make us Literally An Anime Character, at least not yet, not yet, not if it would make us lose sight of anything that we have pledged to ourselves not to lose sight of
and so she goes back in the banner slot, but not in the pfp slot, and that's important, tragically enough
and so we will read subahibi dtrh2's opening segment (…in a few minutes)
a funny little thing is that this computer has always struggled horribly to run this game, despite how simple it is (it's just a visual novel! it's not even 3d!), probably due to a bug of some kind in WINE. it makes typing tweets like this torturous. but that feels fitting.
a little aside, did you know that a lot of the horror in this game centres around a character who goes through a psychotic break and becomes a cult leader? do you start to see why this game has gotten to us so badly
It's still a work in progress. You can't see it yet.
long time no see
get fuckin' rekt takujiiiiiiiiiiii
holy shit we completely forgot SubaHibi had an OP
it rules too
it's this i think https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElxVUpqvbqo (though i would say the subs are probably an unfortunate distraction from the message, that's not how i experienced it just now in-game)
and i think that's the perfect stopping point, we feel calm again, we've processed the grief just enough, we feel okay about the future, and…
now we can probably get some sleep in once again