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sometimes, you're in the social orbit of someone who's really into certain works, or some hobby or something, and they're interesting and you wish you were closer to them, but it never happens
then several years later, you're into those works, but you've completely drifted apart
you might think "oh, if only i'd been into those things back then", but you might not have been ready at the time. life is like that
and you know, even if you had been into them, that doesn't mean you'd have been closer to that person, you know. that's not how it works
if you're having "looking up to people" problems i feel bad for you son, because there's 99 steps on the path to understanding and you've only taken one