social.noyu.me

“why are you not irony-poisoned, hikari?”

thank you for asking, imaginary interlocutor

maybe it has something to do with one of the big things i did on twitter, many years back: i watched and livetweeted the whole of Sword Art Online out of morbid, ironic fascination

‪and you know what? all i remember from watching it was how much i was genuinely enjoying the actual work. i kind of loved it. it's a deeply flawed and cynical work of art, and yet, despite the layer of irony that was meant to be protecting me, all i remember is loving the world.‬

‪despite my attempt to engage with the work at arm's length, despite the fact that all i was tweeting about was how absurd some of it was, despite the fact that it had many elements that repulsed me, none of that stopped the whole 「dream」 of it from getting to my heart‬

@hikari@social.noyu.me this is a pretty good description of why i love it. i can acknowledge its many flaws, but it does convey a certain dream so clearly that it occupied my thoughts for near a decade.

it makes sense too since the whole concept of a dream is a core plot element. you can rightfully condemn Kayaba for what he did, but i also appreciate that he had a dream and he went to extreme lengths to bring it to life.

and there is real beauty in the world he made. that's what i love. there's cruelty and real death, but *that's what makes it real*. that's what makes the beautiful parts have any substance. he commits an unforgivable crime but he is not purely evil, perhaps not even really a true villain, because he's only motivated by his dream, and his dream *isn't* to kill everyone. it's to make a new world where people live actual lives. even down to the little things like sharing a meal at home.

Kayaba is the ultimate dreamer. i'm not saying he's redeemable. of course he isn't. he knowingly sacrificed that for the sake of his dream.