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it's taken me far too many years to figure this out, a lost decade, but i start to think that ”adhd” might not be a useful lens for why i can't get things done. there's some underlying message my body has for me in why it doesn't want to do something, and i have to attune to it
(i actually have an adhd diagnosis and got this while being an adult, after a taxing diagnostic process, and i didn't lie to the psychiatrist to get it; so i probably have whatever the thing people mean by adhd is. but: at this point it doesn't seem very useful to me.)
i keep wondering if i should finally drop money on getting the stimulants i'm legally entitled to, and i think i should only do it if i find myself in a position where i need to be able to force myself to do things, because normally such blunt instruments should not be needed
there is a defeatist refusing-to-let-oneself-grow flavour of this line of thinking, but it's not the one i'm engaging in now. i am actually remarkably productive lately because i go with the flow
the one thing stimulants would probably really help with is writing, but i have a feeling i can fix that by simply writing more often and practicing the skill. i think me attempting it so infrequently is probably a large part of why it's a struggle
@hikari I can’t tolerate any of the stimulants I can actually get, and I’m not sure about the one I can’t get either, so now the adhd label is more of a tool for approaching what’s going to happen when I try to do something and what I can do about it.
@hikari I would say calling stimulants a blunt instrument feels… rather ill informed; and stimulants have many more useful properties besides making you useful to an employer (and also have some non-useful properties to be aware of)
@hikari (and i am not even a big stimulants fan, I am very conciously aware that there are some downsides to them for me which mean I would not wish to take [higher doses of] them continually)
@hikari For me, Elvanse/Vyvanse as a stimulate for my ADHD (recently officially Dx, but looking through old med records+school records was obvious) was more a "numbing/calming" effect allowing concentration without being pulled by distractions.